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Christianity and elusive sleep

In continuing my journey to understand Christianity on a deeper level than I have before, a lot has happened lately. I went to church for the first time in aeons last Sunday. There’s been progress, inspiration, questions, wrestling, and recently, fitful sleep. Last night, in looking for more resources and a better theological understanding, I explored Mars Hill’s website for some sustenance. Mars Hill is the church of pastor Rob Bell — a pastor who’s teaching I’ve found to be incredibly refreshing and inspiring — and one of my safe places to go for Christian teaching. On the Articles page I found a link to “How Can the Bible Be Authoritative?“, by Church of England bishop N.T. Wright.

Before I started reading, I only had a tangential interest in the topic of biblical authority, but there is a connection I hoped to explore with a topic I’ve been discussing lately with a friend regarding the church’s place in the lives of practitioners. So this article, wow, it was long and heavy and thought-provoking. I stubbornly pushed through and read the whole thing despite my fatigue and inability to make sense of it all. Still, lots of it grabbed me, like the idea that true authority lies in God’s hands and should not be mistakenly attributed to one’s (or one’s group’s) interpretation of scripture— as is often the warped approach of many Christians today. The idea is presented that the bible is not a rule book, but is instead narrative. In this narrative is truth and the living story of God and how God created and has been involved in our lives. Also in the article is the idea that God’s story is still being told and, quite importantly, that the bible is not the whole of God’s teaching and guidance for our lives today.

I am not going to plumb through that exhaustive article and cite the particular pieces where those ideas are presented, instead I’d rather rejoice for now in those ideas and how they reinforce what I think is a very healthy application of Christian faith. I’ve always been nauseated by church groups that grasp so very tightly to their particular interpretations, especially when taken to the simplistic expression of black and white do’s and do-not’s that are supposedly coming directly from God. I appreciate attempts to take the bible seriously and get to its most profound truths, but I doubt that much Old Testament law is unequivocal when isolated from the rest of the Christian story and used to hone in on and condemn small slices of human behavior. I’m befuddled by how selective this approach often is, how, for instance, many groups are ready to enforce to the letter certain teachings in the OT about sexuality, but then will readily partake in the eating of pork or other forbidden foods. Maybe that’s not the best example, but our eating has a huge impact on the world and I like to dine on swine on occasion!

Sexuality is certainly important and I don’t mean to diminish its impact on our lives. I know I’m comparing apples to oranges here…actually I’m comparing screwing to barbecue. Maybe there are good reasons why so-called unclean foods from the OT can be enjoyed in good conscience by Christians today. One more note about the importance of food— look at how the excesses of the cattle, pork, and poultry industry have impacted the environment and even the safety of our food supply with various E. coli outbreaks. Or, to mention an oft-overlooked sin that is more closely related to the sexual/relationship realm, what about divorce and its prevalence in our society even among devout Christians?

Seems to me the bible has to be examined and appreciated through a much larger perspective than merely as a sort of magical book of enforcement when it comes to difficult issues. When examining the whole of Christian teaching, both scriptural and experiential through our very lives in God, then what do we learn about relationships and selfless love? I think when we take such a large perspective and appreciation of God we find things aren’t so black and white as we’d often like them to be. We’re left with little choice but to approach faith and those in our lives with compassion, with patience, and without the false authority of what we think is best for others.

The tremendous Christian story of God and our actual, worldly lives is still being told, we’re active participants in the unfolding of truth here. Are we going to embrace one another as we are now or take a harsher approach and condemn those who don’t live up to some standard that is not really God’s but is instead something rooted in our own fear and selfishness?

I’m not a proponent of anarchy, we certainly need rules and ethical guidelines in this world, but who’s job it is to make the call on what’s right and what’s wrong is rather difficult to determine. I suppose we all have to work together on it somehow, through real dialogue amidst an appreciation of differing points of view. When I look at the current state of politics, even the bickering between religious groups over contentious issues, I see little healthy dialogue and instead am sickened by narrow-mindedness and contempt. I am confident that such a wicked approach to those we disagree with is not God’s way.

This is my struggle and why I’ve had trouble sleeping at night. No easy solutions to any of it. At one point last night I awoke to a dream in which some slightly absurd poetry was rattling around in my head:

Who is God? How is Jesus and the Spirit alive in us today?
       It’s a mystery!
What does this bible, this ancient book of God mean for us now?
       It’s a mystery!
How are we, people of this world, to know right versus wrong?
       It’s a mystery!
Are the answers written once and for all?
       It’s a mystery!

Scooby-Dooby-Doo, Where are you?!?
…….

Not to be flippant, but the Scooby part was really in the dream sequence.

The bible and God’s story for our lives is the greatest mystery novel ever written and it’s not complete. We’re still working out the conclusion. Hopefully it ends well, let’s work together so it does!

Posted in The Depths.

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song lyrics? well, ok!

I find “The Wheel“, by Bill Callahan quite inspirational and uplifting. It goes like this:

The wheel has turned one full circle.
Time for my meal of wood.
To make my home, Lord,
In a stable spoke, Lord,
Inside a turning wheel would be good.
To make my home, Lord,
In a stable spoke, Lord,
Inside a turning wheel bound for good.

A wood bee tries to find purchase
On a turning spoke
From Memphis to Potomac,
Never giving up hope.

I’d die in your jails, Lord,
But you’d die by my laws, Lord.
I think you got it worse.
No rebel I, Lord.
I follow the river
When I’m lost,
When I’m lost.

The wheel has turned one more circle.
The payload is now immense.
So climb aboard all,
Climb aboard.
Because the heavier we get,
The harder we crush.

The wagon rolls like an old millstone
Driving bad deeds six feet deep.

To make my home, Lord,
In a stable spoke, Lord,
Inside a turning wheel would be good.
To make my home, Lord,
In a stable spoke, Lord,
Inside a turning wheel bound for good.

Yep, I too would like to make my home in a stable spoke, Lord, inside a turning wheel bound for good. Maybe I’m already there, maybe we’re all already there, but are too caught up in the particulars of this world to see the rest. Just as it’s hard to see the forest for the trees, I suppose it’s hard to know the spoke for the wheel…if you get my roll.

Posted in Music.

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winter robins

robins plucking crabapples—
so cold, so tart!
ruddy breast feathers,
not quite red; nor frozen
like that elusive fruit
managing an escape,
for now,
to snowy ground below
while those robins
calmly keep to the trees

Sarah and I are not used to living somewhere where the robins stick around through winter. It’s odd to us, because in northern NY and southern NH where we each grew up, the robins flew south in late fall. Not here though, apparently Minnesota robins are a tougher breed and can handle harsh winters. Previously the robins offered signs of spring being right around the corner when seeing them in the latter stages of winter. Here, they instead bolster our fortitude and remind us that cold weather really isn’t all bad.

What will be our new harbinger of spring?

Posted in My Poems, Raw Poems.

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thwarted by ice

I had been hoping to head out for a longer than usual run yesterday or today, but Friday night we got a bunch of freezing rain that coated everything with ice. When Sarah and I were trying to leave the neighbor’s place Friday night after a birthday party we couldn’t even make it up their driveway at first. I headed up the middle of the driveway with the crock-pot in my arms and made it about 3 feet up the slope before I started to slip back. Sarah, carrying a dozen farm fresh eggs and her skating gear, didn’t have any more success. We both slid back to the flatter area and laughed hysterically for a few moments, because being unable to walk when dead sober is quite hilarious! We were able to inch our way up the edge of the driveway where some packed snow gave us enough traction and cautiously shuffle the rest of our way home.

Needless to say, with traction that poor running outside isn’t a wise option. If I can barely stay on my feet, then cars probably can’t keep on the road very well either. That’s a risk I’m not willing to take at this point in my still valued life. Mark it as the first time this winter that the weather has truly prevented me from going out for a run. Also, this is one of those times where it would be really nice to own a treadmill.

Posted in Running.

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Christian Contemplation and the Resurrection

I’m continuing to examine and think about Christian contemplative practice with Thomas Merton’s help, still reading The Inner Experience. Recently a friend started reading it as well and I went back several chapters to reread and remind myself of what’s there. We’ve started to discuss some of it, which I thoroughly enjoy. Some pieces have been grabbing me that hadn’t before, like the following passage on the importance of the Resurrection to the Christian contemplative tradition:

It may perhaps not be clear at first sight what this belief in the Resurrection might have to do with contemplation. But in fact the Resurrection and Ascension of Christ, the New Adam, completely restored human nature to its spiritual condition and made possible the divination of every man coming into the world. This meant that in each one of us the inner self was now able to be awakened and transformed by the action of the Holy Spirit, and this awakening would not only enable us to discover our true identity “in Christ,” but would also make the living and Risen Savior present in us. Hence the importance of the Divinity of Christ—for it is as God-Man that He is risen from the dead and as God-Man that He is capable of living and acting in us all by His Spirit, so that in Him we are not only our true personal selves, but are also one Mystical Person, one Christ. And thus each one of us is endowed with the creative liberty of the Son of God. Each one of us, in some sense, is able to be completely transformed into the likeness of Christ, to become, as He is, divinely human, and thus to share His spiritual authority and charismatic power in the world. (p. 38)

I find the idea of God as Christ and the Holy Spirit somehow living in us and able to be made to thrive through the application of faith and contemplative practice much more compelling than what I’ve often encountered in Christianity— the idea of Jesus as some other than present reality power/being we have to chase, mainly through doctrinal assertion, while totally rejecting all we are on a personal level. Granted, Merton would also have us go beyond those aspects of self that are inextricably tied to delusion/sin. Me too, I mean, we’re complex beings filled with a great capacity to love and heal while at the same time being able to destroy all that is good. No doubt some wise discernment is necessary here. We certainly have to learn to go past what is rooted in selfishness. I have to believe though, due to my experience and greatest hopes, that beneath it all we are somehow tied to and called to God. To what level we are actually tied to God remains debatable and fascinating to me.

Posted in The Depths.

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Born to Run

I finished “Born to Run” a little while ago and am now more convinced than ever— running is an activity I should definitely continue to be involved in on a regular basis. Now it’s a matter of better training my mind and body for more running. There’s lots I hope to do, including dietary improvements, the addition of barefoot running into my training, and just gradually going farther. It’s exciting to think about all that I have not attempted and all I could do in running. There’s countless unexplored trails out there and, along with the trails themselves, much to learn about who I am and my place in the world while running!

Posted in Running.


running down 2009, finito and on to 2010

I fell off the chuckwagon in the last week of December and got sidetracked on the holiday lazy train. I ran 3 days during that week leading up to Christmas, totaling only 14 miles. There were also two gentle cross country skis (classic technique, first time on skis this winter) in that time, but I ended up taking 12 days off from running. Interestingly, I received a book from a friend as a gift and it’s been like manna from heaven, inspiring me to run like no words ever have before. The book is “Born to Run” by Christopher McDougall and in many ways encapsulates the joy and vitality I’ve encountered over the years through running. So, here it is 2010 and I’m more excited about running than I have been in a long time. There’s lots of snow on the ground and the trails around here are more suited for skiing than running, but I’m going to do both for awhile anyway. I’m also figuring on adjusting my diet and the training itself to better adapt myself for long distance running. After all, I’m coming to believe that we as a species really were born to run. Despite all the time I spend in front of this computer for work and recreation, I want more of my efforts to aim toward running— that beautiful expression of a unified body and mind, surging forward!

Remember? Back when you were a kid and you had to be yelled at to slow down? Every game you played, you played at top speed, sprinting like crazy as you kicked cans, freed all, and attacked jungle outposts in your neighbors’ backyards. Half the fun of doing anything was doing it at record pace, making it probably the last time in your life you’d ever be hassled for going too fast.

That was the real secret of the Tarahumara: they’d never forgotten what it felt like to love running. They remembered that running was mankind’s first fine art, our original act of inspired creation. Way before we were scratching pictures on caves or beating rhythms on hollow trees, we were perfecting the art of combining our breath and mind and muscles into fluid self-propulsion over wild terrain. And when our ancestors finally did make their first cave paintings, what were the first designs? A downward slash, lightnining bolts through the bottom and middle—behold, the Running Man. (Born to Run, pg. 92)

Posted in Running.